Insurance Humour

• What's the difference between a life insurance underwriter and a Mafia underwriter? A life insurance underwriter can predict how many people will die this year; a Mafia underwriter can name them.

• A client calls up his insurance agent and tells him he needs to file a claim. The agent says “Tell me what happened?” The client tells him and the agent says “I’m sorry but that’s not covered.” The client says “well, let me explain better what happened.” The agent says “I’m sorry but that’s not covered either.” The client says” I’ll tell you what, you tell me what’s covered and I’ll tell you how it happened!”

• Three guys are fishing in the Caribbean. One guy says, "I had a terrible fire; lost everything. Now the insurance company is paying for everything and that's why I'm here." The second guy says, "I had a terrible explosion; lost everything. Now the insurance company is paying for everything and that's why I'm here." The third guy says, "What a coincidence. I had a terrible flood; lost everything. Now the insurance company is paying for everything and that's why I'm here." The other guys turned to him with confusion and asked, "Flood? How do you start a flood?"

• Jack Jones was assigned to the Army induction centre, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their military insurance. It wasn't long before his boss noticed that Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, he stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones's sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the military insurance to the new recruits and then said: "If you have military Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have military insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6,000." "Now," he concluded, "which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?"

• Steve’s barn burned down. Julie, his wife, called the insurance company and said, “We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money.” “Whoa there, just a minute, Julie, it doesn’t work like that. We will assess the value of the building and provide you with a new one of comparable worth.” the agent replied. Julie, after a pause, said, “Well, in that case, I’d like to cancel the policy on my husband.”